


Not It

by JohnBurtonLee



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24389935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnBurtonLee/pseuds/JohnBurtonLee
Summary: Team Seven will never abandon a comrade on the battlefield. When it comes to paperwork? They will leave you behind so fast that you'll think they traveled in time. So it was probably karma that when Shikako and Sasuke abandoned Naruto to Kakashi for professional development training that the two found themselves literally back in time. They probably shouldn't have chosen a C ranked courier mission as their excuse to get away. It's always the C ranks.
Relationships: Female Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Sasuke (background), Nara Shikako & Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 36
Kudos: 739
Collections: Exchange no Jutsu 2020, Heliocentrism — a Dreaming of Sunshine recursive collection





	Not It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aikosai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aikosai/gifts).



> From Aikosai's prompt "fluff is good, pseudo political is good, shikako ranting about inefficient village structures is fantastic."
> 
> I think I might have missed fluff and ended up with crack.

"This doesn't feel right." 

Sasuke stared at Shikako. "The dobe is the one who wants to be Hokage and if we're anywhere in the village you know he's going to bother us about helping with his training." 

Shikako waved it off. "Not that. Taking a C rank to leave. You know what happens when we go on C ranks. Isn't there a nice relaxing sabotage mission we can take?" 

Sasuke shrugged. "All out. Blame the sudden outbreak of peace." 

* * *

"I told you so!" 

"Save it for after we defeat the mutant chakra monster, Kako!" 

"I don't think it's technically-" 

"Science later!" 

* * *

"Ow. That was a big explosion." Sasuke was on a team with Shikako and was therefore somewhat jaded when it came to explosions. So the fact that he still thought that one was big was fairly impressive. That was doubly so when you considered the fact that a good chunk of their mission history consisted of faking natural disasters. "Wait. Why don't things look like the boom happened?" 

"Uh, Sasuke? I think that's where the Hokage monument should be." 

"It seems to be missing something. Five or six somethings." 

"You can't decide whether or not to include Kakashi-sensei? Harsh." 

"Not. The. Point." 

* * *

Shikako shifted guiltily. "Well, good news and bad news time." 

Sasuke sighed. "Bad news first." 

"I still have absolutely no clue on how to get back home." 

Sasuke swore under his breath. "Good news?" 

"We don't have to worry about a temporal paradox destroying the universe." 

"Why do you think that?" 

"Because Tobirama's a girl." 

Sasuke stared at Shikako for a moment. "Senju Tobirama. The Nidaime Hokage. Quite possibly the person most hated by all my ancestors. That Tobirama?" 

"Konoha hasn't been built yet, but yeah." 

"Snrk." 

"Sasuke! It's not funny!" 

* * *

"They think you're who?" 

"The clan head's great aunt who disappeared in a sealing accident." 

"You mean you're not the first Shikako?" 

"Think about my family's naming sense." 

Sasuke nodded. "You're right. I'm a bit surprised that every clan head isn't named Shikamaru." 

"We're not that bad," Shikako muttered. 

"What's the current head named?" 

"Nara Shikai. He's my great grandfather." 

"Shikai," he said flatly. "That's the least you could add to the Shika prefix and still say that you added something." His hands moved as if he was writing on the air with an imaginary brush. "I think literally. Better than Ino at least." 

"We're good at a lot of things. Naming isn't one of them." 

"Still, it's impressive they guessed time travel. Time to meet my clan?" 

"Sure, what's the worst that could happen?" 

"You did not just say that." 

* * *

An entire field of shadowy spiked tentacles rose from the ground and writhed menacingly. Some tentacles uprooted trees and boulders while others sprouted fanged maws that chanted in unearthly tones. 

The main body of the Uchiha clan broke and ran, including _Madara_ , causing Sasuke to pinch his nose. 

"Either the Uchiha right now are a bunch of pansies or I've become far too desensitized to the horrors that you and Naruto have cooked up." 

"You were there that week when we developed this display, so maybe?" Sadly, it was just for a prank, and not something they created to intimidate enemy troops. Sasuke would have said it was for a mean prank, but it was on Yuuhi Shinku, so he actually thought it didn't go far enough. Shikako tilted her head. "I wonder if the Uchiha are so used to not being affected by genjutsu that it weakens them when they see non-genjutsu based illusions." 

"Kako, you just tore up five acres of forest. That doesn't count as an illusion. And you know that joke about people praying to you? It's a lot less funny now that Madara was able to recognize you as Shikabane-hime." 

"I'm not a god, Sasuke." 

"Just close enough to fool the Eye of Grief." 

"You've met my family. No divinity there." 

"You're right. He must think you're a demon of some sort." 

"Only in the morning before my coffee." 

* * *

"You know, I'm a bit fuzzy on dates this far back but I think this is a year earlier than when our Konoha was founded." 

"Yes, funny how peace breaks out when one side has what people think is a goddess that believes that death is too good for her opponents. It's a good thing that most people can't recognize you. Though, there has been an uptick in fear towards short girls in braids." 

"I am not short." 

"Right, because that's the important part, Kako." 

* * *

"Sasuke, why are you smirking?" 

"Congratulations, headmistress." 

"You shut your lying mouth. Shouldn't they have asked me first? What did I do to deserve that?" 

"I think they just decided to put a title on what you're already doing." 

"It's not like I'm running classes." 

"I can't believe it took me so long to realize that there really are no limits to your self delusions." 

"I'm just looking after some kids during the day," she insisted with what Sasuke _knew_ was absolute sincerity. 

"Shikako, you have an _actual_ classroom with an _actual_ blackboard, teach _actual_ lessons and take them out for recess. You go through chakra control exercises and play replacement tag. Need I go on?" 

"I'm going to kill Tobirama." 

"That wasn't denial. Let me get some popcorn." 

* * *

"Shikako, why are you smirking?" 

"So when's the wedding?" 

"What wedding?" 

"You and Tobirama." 

"What the hell are you talking about?" 

"Apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed you staring at her chest when you first met." 

Sasuke groaned. "I was just surprised at how female she was. Is." You'd think after dealing with Naruto, Sasuke would be used to people not being the gender he expected. 

"And the fact that she's made you head of the police is being taken as a courting present." 

"You didn't." 

Shikako's grin turned distinctly shark-like and she smacked him in the chest with a bundle of papers. 

"You did." 

"Have you seen the mess that your clan has made of the KMP? Inefficient patrol routes. Bad chain of custody practices. Horrible prisoner policies. You get to fix it." She sang that last sentence. "It's not like you don't have experience from our Jōnin project." 

"That's it. Naruto's my best friend now. I don't care if we'll never see him again." 

* * *

"You bastard. I just managed to foist off the Academy on Ichiro." 

"Anbu General Bat has a nice ring to it." 

"Dammit, Sasuke, I was never even a captain. You'd be much better at this than I would." 

"You should have thought of that before you got me stuck as head of the police." 

"My hate for you burns with the fire of a thousand suns. How did you get Hashirama to even agree to this? I thought I got Mito on my side." 

"Well, since the rumors about me and Tobirama weren't going away-" 

"You didn't." 

"-it only took a few dinners for me to convince her that you wanted an excuse to never settle down and have children. She was quite receptive to the idea of helping another strong woman not get tethered down with traditional gender roles." 

"I miss the time when you were too traumatized by your fangirls to turn on the charm." 

* * *

"Jōnin Commander? How the hell did you get Tobirama of all people to recommend me, an Uchiha, as Jōnin Commander?" 

"If you haven't noticed, Tobirama treats you a bit differently than other Uchiha, Mr. Dinner Partner. I just pointed out that the more qualified people existed, the smaller the chances that she would be forced to wear the godawful Hokage hat in the future. Too bad as a mere former school teacher I'm too low profile for the job." 

"Low profile? Madara is terrified of you. _Madara_." 

"That was years ago, I'm sure he's forgotten all about that." 

"Shikako, he thinks you're a god. Goddess. Whatever. You don't just _forget_ about that." Not to mention the shadow tentacle eldritch abomination thing she did that first fight. There was a reason that making her Anbu General had been an easy sell. 

Shikako chewed her bottom lip. "Maybe I shouldn't have tied him down and made him do all the paperwork when Hashirama was away that one time." 

"Wait. Did you mean that literally?" You never could tell with Shikako. You'd think he would have heard about it, but it's not like Madara would ever admit it. 

"Well how else would you get Madara to do paperwork?" 

"That does explain why Madara had joined Team Not It with regards to Nidaime. It's times like this that I really miss Naruto. Who else are we going to find that's crazy enough to want the job?" 

* * *

"Head of the hospital? I'm a barely trained medic. How the hell did you sweet talk Tobirama into taking me out of Anbu and making me head of the hospital?" 

Sasuke snorted. "Barely trained by _Tsunade's_ standards. That's more medical knowledge than the rest of the village put together. And no sweet talking was involved. There were all those rants you made about how the hospital could be improved, remember?" 

"Well their training system's a joke and the way they've organized their files is a travesty." 

Sasuke blinked. "The last time I looked something up it was fairly straightforward." Granted, he broke in to do it, but that should have only made things harder not easier. 

"Exactly! This is a ninja village, anyone can break in." Shikako gave Sasuke a look that let him know exactly who she meant. "Being able to look things up should only be easy for the people inside the hospital system." 

"Well, there you go. I'm pretty sure that both Tobirama and Hashirama have heard you complain as well. And it's not my fault that you saved Hashirama's life." 

Shikako threw her hands in the air. "If he dies then there's a non zero chance I might end up with the damn hat." 

Sasuke nodded sagely. "And that chance has gone up now that you're back in a high profile position." Granted, it wasn't by a lot. She was already pretty high on the list for that whole thing about being on a first name basis with multiple bijū, the mistress of the night thing, and oh, and a sizable fraction of the village thinking that she was a literal goddess. 

"Wait… you've asked me to demo healing techniques a few times in the past. Just how long have you been trying to set this up?" 

"Since I found out that you were the one who suggested to Shikai that he spend more time with his family and made the position of Jōnin Commander vacant." 

* * *

"Pregnant? You knocked up Tobirama? Do you know how many of your ancestors are rolling in their grave?" 

"Considering that most of them are alive right now and are rather vocal, I have some idea." 

"And this is the Tobirama that we talked out of insulting the Uchiha left and right. Well, I guess not _talked_ in your case." 

Sasuke ignored the dig at his sex life. "She did still kill a lot of Uchiha before we showed up." Then he muttered, "As multiple people have reminded me. Like Madara, Madara and, oh, Madara." 

"So when's the wedding? I know Hashirama is going to insist, and while you probably could take him in a fight, that's probably not the-" 

"In two weeks." 

"Really? Huh. I'll have to remember to look heart broken." 

"What? Why?" 

"To play up the rumors of being a jilted lover, of course. Both the Uchiha and the Senju are less likely to agree with me being Hokage if they think I might be harboring a grudge. Oh, and the clan is a lot less likely to keep giving me grief about settling down if they think I'm in love with you. Thanks, Sasuke." 

"You know, if I could go back in time to the Academy and warn myself about how evil you were, I would not believe myself. I can even imagine the conversation. 'Is she a secret fangirl?' 'Well, no.' 'Then how bad could she be?' My poor innocent younger self." 

Shikako rubbed her hands together. "Exactly as planned." 

"Anyone else? I would think that they were making a joke. You, I actually believe." 

* * *

" _You_ ," Sasuke growled. 

"Me," Shikako replied lightly. 

"The baby is due in a month. You couldn't have waited until Tobirama was back on her feet before you dumped this on us?" 

"Revenge is a dish best served cold." 

"We're going to have to refile _everything_. Literally everything in the village except for the hospital!" 

"Serves you right for sticking me in a job where I don't blow things up. Now if only you had done a rotation in cryptography like I had suggested, you could have gotten ahead of this, _Jōnin Commander_." 

"Grrr. Just for that I'm finally going to make Hashirama lay out an official line of succession." 

"Bastard. If Tobirama's pregnant she's going to be lower on the list." 

"Exactly the point." 

* * *

Shikako shook her head. "You know I thought we had resolved all the issues that would make Madara go missing nin." 

Sasuke sighed. "You mean you scared him into submission." 

"I guess I can't blame him for this one though." 

"Most people would regard being named as Hashirama's successor as a good thing." 

"I'd be tempted to let him go if I wasn't second on the list." 

Sasuke understood, seeing as he was number three. 

"There he is. Madara! I'd like a word!" 

* * *

"What did you say to Hashirama? I haven't seen him that color since the baby was born." 

Shikako had an evil grin on her face. If Sasuke hadn't known her so well, he would have thought it to be a perfectly innocent smile. "I just told him that if I was going to be next in line for the damn hat, then he would have to cooperate with my efforts to make sure that he lived forever. He'll have to stick to a diet, have regular checkups, obey doctor orders if he gets injured, and so on." 

"You trained under Tsunade and it shows," Sasuke deadpanned. 

"I may have also threatened to drag him back from the Pure Land if he dies." 

Sasuke sighed. "You realize that when it's coming from you, people don't regard that as an idle threat?" The worst part is that it actually wasn't. Shikako knew Edo Tensai, something Sasuke found out when Tobirama ranted about Shikako beating her to the punch again. That's not even getting into the Shikabane-hime mess. Sasuke believed that Shikako believed that she wasn't a goddess, but Shikako also believed that no one was interested in her romantically. 

"What I want to know is how both you and Tobirama are still behind me on the list." 

"Let's just say my wife may have threatened her brother if our sex life gets any worse." 

"Last I heard, your lack of sex life was entirely due to my goddaughter." 

Sasuke groaned. "Believe me, I know. Wait. How did _you_ know?" 

"What did you think women talked about when the men weren't around?" Shikako took on a thoughtful look. "So I just need to get my threats to sound scarier than Tobirama's." 

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. This was just what they needed: Shikako deciding she wasn't scary enough. 

* * *

Sasuke did his best not to show any amusement. "I hear they want to build a temple." 

"That's nice," Shikako said, barely paying attention as she worked on more paperwork for the hospital. 

"It's to you." 

"That's- You're joking. Why would anyone erect a temple to me?" 

"Well," Sasuke started, ticking off his fingers. "People pray to you and sometimes get results-" 

"Coincidence." 

"You haven't aged since you were fifteen-" 

"I'm just well preserved." 

"People with the Mangekyō recognize your name just by looking at you-" 

"That didn't happen with Kakashi-sensei." 

"You're on first name basis with bijū-" 

"So are you." 

"My daughter, your goddaughter, can talk to ghosts-" 

"You've talked to ghosts. Well, a ghost." 

Sasuke sighed. "Not random ones." 

"I'm sure that's just the Senju and Uchiha bloodlines mixing. You both can trace your ancestry back to the Sage of the Six Paths and talking to the dead is one of his powers. The Preta Path I think." 

"Then there's knowing random bullshit about mythological figures." 

"He's the bijūs' dad! That's hardly mythological." 

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I'm friends with them, too, but their _dad_ has never come up in any of my conversations before." 

"Wasn't he mentioned when we did the pinky promise with Isobu?" 

"I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that." 

* * *

"How?! How did you get Hashirama to take you off the list?" 

Shikako shrugged. "If I'm going to have worshippers, I might as well take advantage of them. It wasn't hard to convince them to make 'Thou shalt not make me Hokage' a commandment." 

Sasuke gazed skyward in hopes of attracting the favor of a real god. "You're the goddess. They're your commandments. Why is convincing anyone part of the process?" 

"That's a good question and I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out. Either way, I'm not in the line of succession anymore." That last part was said deliberately smugly. 

* * *

"Did you enjoy my inauguration speech?" Sasuke asked smugly. 

"'Rule wisely with the grace and guidance of the Shikabane-hime?'" Shikako growled. 

Sasuke shrugged. "You may have landed me with the damn hat, but you're not getting out of things that easily. Face it, we're in this together." 

Sasuke knew that he won when the ghost of a smile crossed Shikako's face. "Just like always." 


End file.
